Because we don't live in a culture of enough excess, I have invented a new sandwich. It takes all of the best things of the BLT sandwich, namely the bacon, bread, and mayonnaise, a.k.a. all of the non-vegetably things, and threw out the rest. And thus I give you: The BBB Sandwich!

What was I when I invented this sandwich? That's right: I was drunk. Still, after a night of hard drinking, when a man can't quite work up the energy to make his own one-eye burger, steps must be taken.

Did I not have tomatoes? Did I not have lettuce? I had both of those things. Tomatoes fresh from the CSA, dripping with fresh, tomatoey goodness. Perfectly plump and ready to eat. I had hydroponically-grown bibb lettuce, resting in the fridge, awaiting only the right application to become complete. And yet, I chose not to use them. Because that is not what I was after. No, I was after the BBB.

If that's not quite enough bacon for you, you could substitute Baconnaise for the mayonnaise. That would give you a Bread, Bacon, and Baconnaise sandwich. That's for the purists who can't just accept that BBB stands for Bacon Bacon Bacon. It's fine, I understand. I am occasionally a purist myself.

Heck, if you really wanted to just bacon the thing out, you could take a loaf of bread made with pepper and bacon fat.

It's not like you need it, though. A bunch of bacon should carry the recipe quite handily. Still, who am I to say no?

And yes, I am sure that I am not the first person to invent the sandwich. I would imagine a quick Google search would turn up many other pioneers such as myself. Still, I don't think the previous discoverers would begrudge me this brief moment of glory before the heart attack kicks in.